breaking pencil tips

I write a post that you shouldn't read

but if you're still stubborn, go ahead.

Don't blame me for I wasting your valuable time.
And you found me rudely sarcastic in the morning,
I'm sorry but I'm not a morning person.

Like I said, I'm home.

I have no idea what they're doing in school now.

Most likely it's not the fun part yet.

Today is Franciscan's Day so

my school is celebrating it by not having class.

Fine by me.

(Fun Part : gifts, food, & movie!)

But I'm afraid I didn't feel like going.

I feel like drinking some teh tarik,

though I felt a little scrupulous over it.

I would go all maniac and it's never a time to do that.

Except at night.

I read a Charlaine Harris book last night

and I was slightly confused when I woke up.

Like the characters woke up with me.

I sincerely confess I did not drink teh tarik last night.

This is what you get for reading it non-stop for six hours.

So what am I doing now?

Well, here is my guide of things to do when you're at home

when you're suppose to be at school:

1. Fix yourself a drink. Drink it. Feel better that you made it yourself.

2. Get something to read. Read it while drinking. You're multi-tasking.

3. Watch some TV. If there is no Smart Card because your sister made

a horrible suggestion to Dad that he should take it away so she could

concentrate on her upcoming Malaysian Education Certificate (SPM),

contemplate on an elaborate plan to steal it back. That would probably fail.

4. Download some music. You should update your playlist anyway.

5. Complain to people who are still in the house about how boring it is here.

6. Read that book you left when you were complaining.

7. Try and make up a fictional conversation about what your friends think

about you skipping school. "Should we leave a lizard in her drawer?"

8. Be super glad that you're home then at school. Think of how smarter you are.

9. Read back the book after you stop daydreaming. Cry over the absence of TV.

And there it is.

It would be fully understandable if you choose not to follow these steps.

Your lost.

there's this creepy little feeling...

look behind you!

hahaha...caught you.

(I don't think I need teh tarik.)

Sleep In September

Probably my last post for September.

blue thing : what?

purple thing : :p

My Final Exam for Add Maths just ended

I'm not going to get top in Add Maths, I predict.

A+ for everything is draining down the toilet like a dead goldfish.

Ah, well.

I tried.

On to a more lighter note,

I am not going to school tomorrow!

Reason :

I woke up today, after reviewing Add Maths till night,

and said,

"I am so not going to school tomorrow."

That's why.

So don't stop me.

I am very exhausted after answering the questions.

I want to plop dead on this laptop right now,

if it were not because my hands that are getting in my way.

So I bid farewell now,

before this posts goes 2038hr2nwefdnd;.3vf

like that.

if I were to ask you to wake me up when September ends,

you'd wake me up by midnight.

no thank you.

(oh my, did seriously wrote that?

I am sorry, my head is not working as properly as it should be.

Please forgive for having to read that horrible paragraph.
I think it's a sign that I really need some sleep. So I shall.)

have a fearsome October.

Won't You Love To Be The Center of My Universe?

You cruelly wish to.

I Kind Of Whimpered

This person takes lovely pictures.
I kind of fell in love with the coldness.

I don't know why but I can think so much clearly while looking at this picture. A million things are buzzing through my head and I have an urge to write like there's no tomorrow. I am having strong, (slightly weird), magnetic fixation to this photo. The bay, the model, the empty space. Lovely.

He's Realistic

"There was a never a day wasted where I can't resist the wind on my face.

It's tasteless but it's delicious. I guess that's the feeling of living in the moment.

Perhaps, if I could choose the way I die, it'd be falling off a cliff.

Or at least, in front of a fan."

- Deimus

Crime, Psychology & Undergarments

Something is really riding up.

Not undergarment-wise.

I wish.

I think I have just had another relevation of Who Ashiqin Is.

I can't cope with stress.

Which is bad because stress is pretty much imminent in this world. And I'm in high school.

(Checked if spelled 'imminent' correctly. It looked like an exact copy. Score.)

I had a feeling about this a few months before when I was suppose to some facts of accomplishments from this former senior for my then-trainee job as an Editorial Board Member.

Introverted and all, my initial reaction was : Who the frig is this?

I instantly hyperventilated like I was about to jump off a cliff (which isn't as bad as this job, when you have parachute or a glider but if you don't well...it's still better than this job.) I also fear because this is my probational job and if I messed up by failing to find this Senior Who Ran A Lot, then this would psychologically undermine my self-esteem and I could never pluck up the courage to enter Psychology Studies because I'm such a emotional-wayward myself.
This thing could ruin my life.

After a few minutes of calming myself and lying to myself, "I can do this...I can do this..." I finally manage a shaky hand to open my laptop to find this Senior Who Has Impressive Co-Curricular Marks on the internet. Google, save me for once.

Then, I got a text:

Hey, you know that text just now? Forget it. I got it under control already. Thank you for trying.

Oh, sweet relief! I can't even feel the rage at myself for getting so worked up over nothing at all because I was too busy cuddling my soon-to-be-PhD-title.
God is Great.

But by now, a few months later after that, I began to worry of I show signs of distress of stress.

Yes. I got stress out of stress (which would manifest into more stress, so as to put it, it would be like one vicious cycle of stress leading to stress into more stress until I...explode? Combust? Barf?)

I have to say I'm pretty dissapointed in myself. I need to get myself together.
If I can't handle this, what will be my working career? A black-hole?

Definitely a black-hole.

Though to debate myself, I am usually not that stressed. The thing that gets me stress is lack-of-information. Lack of information usually leads to poor work quality that would lower expectations of people who would write my file to show my future university or teachers, and my chancellor (does chancellor check the future students out? Hardly unlikely. Scout maybe) ~~chancellor~~ scout would be wagging a 'no no no' finger at me and I would get denied from that university because of that Co-Curriculum Information Form that I did not excel in completing and I am forced to say farewell to my Psychology Degree and that would seriously make me sad.
Can't you see why lack of information of the attendance of The Crime Prevention Club stresses me???

Egg sunny-side up: I am so not stressed if my future employer gave me TONS of paperwork and I have all the information at my fingertips. That'll be just dandy :)

BTWFYIGLOO, I'm still stressed.

serenity

P.S. There is a 'Crime Prevention Club.' No joke. And I'm the Secretary.
Whoo-pee.

Lunch In The Evening

I need some glucose.

Exams are papers. Nothing more. Nothing to fear.

(You are scared of papers? Pfft.)

Final Exam.

Not studying.

Maths finished.

Physical Ed. next to study/skim/flip/not focus on/burn

(There's a test for that, for reals?)

Sorry for the previous post and get you people all down.

That little, irritable wart is in my life again.

Never mind.

I'm happy now.

Cause I'm thinking of eating lunch at 6 pm :)

See you in...October?

I'll leave you with this *muah*

You so lucky.

kitty in the sink.

that's how I'll feel after exam.

My Shoes Are Ready

My heart races so fast when I saw that.
So fast. I can't remember the last time it could do that.
Even now, after all these years, you know how
to pull my heart-strings like a veteran puppet-master.

But you changed.
You turned. I don't know you.
But
We both did.

My phase of stupidity sailed.

And I grew stronger and prouder.

But I fear if my heart turns colder.

Who to say I could accept again?
Who to know when?
I pray to Allah to keep my heart open.
Don't close it. Don't close it.

I keep on telling myself how I moved on.
We both changed.
So we both did.
It was all my fault. I dug my own grave.
You weren't apart of this twisted game.

And no matter how much I want to see you again,
my mind told me to turn the other way.
I'll follow my mind.
Because that's what my teacher taught me.

I'm not stupid. No more.
The only one I should, and rightfully love is Allah.
God still loves me. Even when I can't hardly love myself.

Thank you for entering my life.
Now goodbye. You overstayed your visit.

You don't want to leave?
Fine.
I'll walk.

I Tried It. My Cheeks Hurt.

Gabbed and Gasped

Try and type 'Kittens' in Google.

Then go to Images.

You won't believe how many times you need to 'AWWWW!!!'
One of the most satisfying Search Results I have ever made.
Really.

yes!yes!yes!

Paint Job #1

Since the Holidays began, I thought I could make

some creative efforts while stuck at home.

Here is one of the things I dabbled with Paint :

click on it for a bigger view.

share it if you like it

The Pocket-Watch.

I revel a blank page. There are too many in this world. Too much things to be filled, with such a limited time in our small, grasping hands. There would always be an anecdote to write, a sketch to draw, a speech to say; I can't keep up with the train. When can I find the time to live in the now and not worry of the going tickings? There are too many paces to be done in such a short distance. Will God give me a long life to finish it all till I'm an empty, hollow box? Or will I never come undone and my works in this world would be just poor copies to be finished on the other side? Endless wonder.

With such a small pocket watch.

I drew this cause I had the time.

Don't hate me.

Everything

Cheap Post. I copied this from Facebook.

Sue me.

But I love to share what I'm listening to.

RULES:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

Note : This is REALLY what I click next.

I never change it to another one because I think 'it doesn't fit.'

All of this is original.

If someone says 'are you okay', you say?

Think About It, Danger Radio

How would you describe yourself?

Bottle It Up, Sara Bareilles

What do you like in a guy/girl?

Haven't Met You Yet, Micheal Buble

How do you feel today?

Rock That Body, Black Eyed Peas

What is your life's purpose?

Boy In A Rock'n'Roll Band, The Pierces

What's your motto?

Sparkle Baby Shine, Danger Radio

What do your friends think of you?

When I Get Home You're So Dead, Mayday Parade

What do your parents think of you?

I Knew It Wasn't Love, Call the Cops

What is 2 + 2?

Slow, Danger Radio

What do you think of your best friend?

If I Had You, Adam Lambert

What is your life story?

My Heart, Paramore

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Live Like We're Dying, Kris Allen

What do you think when you see the person you like?

So Shaken Up, Danger Radio

What will you dance to at your wedding?

Heart You Stole, Danger Radio

What will they play at your funeral?

Six Feet Under The Stars, All Time Low (oh. haha)

What is your hobby/interest?

Disturbia, The Cab

What is your biggest fear?

The Only Exception, Paramore

What is your biggest secret?

White Dress, Call the Cops

What do you want right now?

Queen of My Heart, Westlife

What do you think of your friends?

Another Lesson In Love, Danger Radio

What will you post this as?

Everything, Micheal Buble

UPDATE: So I played again and here are some new questions that was asked.

What is the name of your shampoo?
Bushes, Hot Chelle Rae

If someone sent you a bouquet of flowers, what would the note in it say?
How You Love Me Now, Hey Monday

and the creme of the crop:

What would be the first words your husband say to you?
Drop The Girl, Hit The Lights

uh-oh.

Narcissistic Venture

Out of curiosity, I followed this blog

(Hyperbole and A Half, you can see it down there)

and used an interesting website that was mentioned in it.

Urban Dictionary.

It is useful, and funny, to check out what your name is

in the eyes of the people of the internet.

So I put 'Ash' in

and here are the results:

I especially favored the 3rd option.

Come on: chainsaw and bionic gauntlet!

okay, now I'm blushing.

so the result to this narcissistic venture?

profitable.

hoho.

it was fun.

Miracle Happens. No Lie.

We live in a Yes and No World.

(I love meeting the Whys and Why Nots.
Fun people with no surface of regrets.)

So to me, I'd ask my parents a lot of those '"Can I...?" questions
that needed be answered by either 'Yes' or 'No! ARE YOU CRAZY?'

And since I've become a teenager the "Can I...?"s become more frequent.

My Mum would be the first one to ask. If she gives a green flag,

on to the next checkpoint, my Dad.
(My life is like The Amazing Race in that way.)

My Mum would be blunt: she puts me out of my misery quickly.

"Hey Ma, can I go to this place and place
with my friends this time and time?"

"Okay."

WHOO!

"-If your Dad said yes."

UGH.

(There would always be that line.)

My Dad. Well...he's special.

"Hey Pa, can I go to this place and place
with my friends this time and time?"

"Noouuuuhhhhh."

"Oh."

"Hey Pa, can I go to this place and place
with my friends this time and time for school?"

"..."

"Um..."

"..."

*leaves*

and i take that as a yes.

He can't say yes.

I have no idea why.

Until Now.

*Cue Track Huge Spider Rampaging The City*

Oh my.

Tonight, my Dad iss going to an Open House.

I bounded near him, as he puts on his shoe.

"Hey, Pa. Is that your first time wearing [those shoes]?"

"No. I wore it a few times."

"Okay."

"Mmfff. So tight oh."

"Did it fit before?"

"Yeah."

*Opens door*

"Bye Pa."

---Brother talks Stuff to Dad as he makes his way to his car.---

"Pa, can I open the internet?"

"NO." Brother said, obvious.

"Yes." Dad said, NOT OBVIOUS.

"Woohoo!"
But my head was seeing stars at the moment.
I never heard my Dad said 'Yes' to me in
the sixteen years of my existence.

AND HISTORY WAS MADE

Theme Song Part 1

If an army zombie have taken over your world, as the leader of the resistance,

you would start the first blow to their capital. What is your theme song

as you rise slowly from the ground with fire blazing around you?

*shuffles playlist*

Bleed

- Hot Chelle Rae

Okay. That sounds cool as a title. But trust me, it's not a kick-butt song.

It goes 'I bleed my heart on this paper for you...'

Yeah. Ain't this epic.

*ducks down head in total fail*

Molten Stars and Candy Kisses

Molten Stars and Candy Kisses

I have an awful prescription for these type of poems.

You just need to place a lovely adjective with a romantic object.

METAPHORS!!!

WHY DO I LOVE THEE?

I DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN CLUE!!!

Anyways, enjoy this poem if you're the type who likes metaphors :

( it just SCREAMS metaphors, ay?)

Coffee On A Cold Day

I love to look back my sketches.

Some just pleasantly surprise me

and some just flat-out horrify me.

Progress = slow but obvious.

When I'm in my mood,

I would see an incomplete/ugly drawing and finish/redo it.

Buzzed with one&a half cup of teh tarik,

I randomly check my one of my sketch book

and got REALLY ANNOYED with one of the

unfinished AND ugly drawing.

So I began to rub off the details and start to revamp it.

reconstruction undergoing.

i forgot to take a 'before' picture.

all of those good-looking features were not there before.

done.

looks better in real life.

I'm sorry. I don't have any quality cameras.

But I've finish this baby at the time of 2.30 am.

And I'm very proud of it.

whee :)

(yes the pink is for indicating my fuzzy feeling of
successfully finishing my project till the wee hours of the morning.)

in case for the curious-minded,

yes, they are sharing coffee.

it was very cold, okay?

"We're warming up as the air got colder."

- Whisper Something Fragile, The Cab

that just floats in.

Traditional Red Carpet

roll out the carpet.

Syawal is here.

Right On The Money

"We're fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift for self destruction."

- Plutarch on Human Beings

A Kitten Saves Everything

No, it can't be true.

For a fraction of a second, my heart stopped.

(Which is ridiculous, if my heart stopped at a fraction

of a second, wouldn't that lead to a comatose or heart-failure?

I'm no doctor, but that doesn't sound like Mirror-of-Health.

Truly, when people fling their words like that, it seems

that they have a permanent death-wish. I don't, but you know,

if I could simplify how shocked I was in a term,

my heart would really stop. Oh my gosh, I think I'm over-thinking.)

okay.

let's just see this cute picture of a kitten.

aww.

concluded.

Get Into The Cab

Gabbed and Gasped